shoulder-length hair

something kept brushing the groove right where my shoulder meets my neck. i was working a press release and trying to ignore the pestering gnat or errant collar. turns out it was my own now-nearly shoulder length hair.

i started thinking and realized the last time i had hair past my shoulders was when i was 15. in other words, a decade ago. trying to remember what being 15 was like was similar to remembering when i was a space martian. it didn't resonant. i have memories and emotions i know i felt, but i identify as much with my own past as i do with scenes from 10 things i hate about you.

but maybe not remembering exactly is better than trying to reinvent a past that never existed: "All I conclude is that there’s a whole lot of projection going on with adults, trying desperately, and naively, to re-imagine a simple past that simply never existed." --berkeley breathed

i don't know why it is i can't remember more about that time. i wonder if it's some form of self-preservation, like how the body forgets pain. if we held on tightly to all the beliefs, emotions, and fears we had along the way we'd probably implode by 26.