what happens to a dream deferred?

my love for cats solidified at age six. i'd harassed my parents for many months about owning a kitten when the neighbor's cat had a litter. after finally convincing them that yes i would clean the cat box and feed and water and brush the cat every day, they acquiesced and thus a terrified, tiny puff of an animal entered our home.

overjoyed, i immediately had to hold her. having no knowledge of cats, i scooped her up and cradled her, baby-like, to my chest. i looked down at her. our eyes meet. two young and nervous souls about to embark on a life journey as owner and pet. she extended her little paw, flashed five claw-knives, and macheted my neck.

despite my surprise, the blood, and subsequent tears, deep down i admired that a creature so soft and beautiful could tear into young flesh without regret. this was my kinda animal! zuki was not a "lap cat", though, and try as i might i never really got to hold her. instead, i made other attempts at interacting.

also owning a dog, i one day decided that nothing in this world would be better than walking my cat on a leash. i pursued this dream with the tenacity that only ignorant children posses, wrestling the now declawed cat into collars that she would immediately slip out of, then moving up to harnesses that were still no match for her houdini-like skills. the few times i managed to secure her in the harness she hissed me away before i could clip the leash.
needless to say, walking the cat never worked out for me.

*

yesterday, a black cat was sitting in the grass next to a woman who was holding something long and red. as i got closer i realized it was: a leash! this woman had achieved what i thought not possible, and yet there sat her cat with a fine red collar leashed and happy. she sniffed at my feet and let me pet her before sauntering over to chew some grass (which i presume she later threw up on the woman's carpet).

i asked this champion of cat-owning what the secret was. she said oh i don't know. she really likes being outside, but she kinda chases animals and cars so i get nervous. i put her on a leash and she didn't mind. 

i was thoroughly impressed and assumed the cat whisperer was just being modest. she went on, yea, it's cool...i guess. kind of embarrassing, really. the other day i was walking her down the block and some guys rode by and shouted "get a dog!"

*

my childhood was marked with several factors that set me apart from my peers. probably best the whole i-have-a-cat-i-walk-on-a-leash-thing didn't work out...