why do we tattoo?

my coworker said this on getting ink, and i very much like it:

"Sometimes I ask myself, 'is this something I'll want in 30 years?' And then I remember to completely disregard that question, because honestly? Probably not! But I think I'll still love all of my tattoos when I'm an old granny because it's going to be a map of my youth. They'll all be exactly what I wanted at the time and to have a permanent reminder of the different stages of yourself, I think, is incredibly cool. Anyway, enough with the Hallmark moment... I hope you do it."

why does this cat act like a dog?

it's not that i don't like dogs. it's just that what so many people find attractive about them--their undying loyalty--i find irritating. dogs are always up in your business, wanting attention, love, pets. cats, however, leave you alone. they entertain themselves, they are independent creatures. i admire this, and prefer occasional aloofness to constant dog slobber.

i agreed to take care of my friend's cat for two years. for the most part, vlad, is a very good guest-cat. he gets along with my cat as if they were apart of the same litter, and for that i'm very thankful. he is more dog than cat, though, and i struggle with this fact from time-to-time.

never have i seen a more acurate portrayl of me attempting to be on the computer, watch tv, read a book, or eat dinner:

what happens to a dream deferred?

my love for cats solidified at age six. i'd harassed my parents for many months about owning a kitten when the neighbor's cat had a litter. after finally convincing them that yes i would clean the cat box and feed and water and brush the cat every day, they acquiesced and thus a terrified, tiny puff of an animal entered our home.

overjoyed, i immediately had to hold her. having no knowledge of cats, i scooped her up and cradled her, baby-like, to my chest. i looked down at her. our eyes meet. two young and nervous souls about to embark on a life journey as owner and pet. she extended her little paw, flashed five claw-knives, and macheted my neck.

despite my surprise, the blood, and subsequent tears, deep down i admired that a creature so soft and beautiful could tear into young flesh without regret. this was my kinda animal! zuki was not a "lap cat", though, and try as i might i never really got to hold her. instead, i made other attempts at interacting.

also owning a dog, i one day decided that nothing in this world would be better than walking my cat on a leash. i pursued this dream with the tenacity that only ignorant children posses, wrestling the now declawed cat into collars that she would immediately slip out of, then moving up to harnesses that were still no match for her houdini-like skills. the few times i managed to secure her in the harness she hissed me away before i could clip the leash.
needless to say, walking the cat never worked out for me.

*

yesterday, a black cat was sitting in the grass next to a woman who was holding something long and red. as i got closer i realized it was: a leash! this woman had achieved what i thought not possible, and yet there sat her cat with a fine red collar leashed and happy. she sniffed at my feet and let me pet her before sauntering over to chew some grass (which i presume she later threw up on the woman's carpet).

i asked this champion of cat-owning what the secret was. she said oh i don't know. she really likes being outside, but she kinda chases animals and cars so i get nervous. i put her on a leash and she didn't mind. 

i was thoroughly impressed and assumed the cat whisperer was just being modest. she went on, yea, it's cool...i guess. kind of embarrassing, really. the other day i was walking her down the block and some guys rode by and shouted "get a dog!"

*

my childhood was marked with several factors that set me apart from my peers. probably best the whole i-have-a-cat-i-walk-on-a-leash-thing didn't work out...

why do i not already own this?

edward gorey is the bees knees.
that's really all that needs to be said.

what's the best way to eat a leftover french fry?

i love to eat. 

i love to eat because i love food. 

i also love eating food out.  like at a restaurant.

you might think i was a snob then when it came to food. not so. to ensure I have enough money to eat not just out, but also in, and during the week, and on the weekends, and also so two cats can eat, i tend to eat really cheap when left to my own devices. understand "cheap" doesn't mean gross. it does mean "simple" or "repetitive" or some might even go so far as to say "unimaginative". 

i subsit on a regular diet of: spinach, hummus, milk, peanut butter, bread, pita chips, and cheese. this is the trader joe’s booty every week with the possible addition of edamame, ice cream, and wine. (and subtraction of peanut butter. even i can't get through a jar of peanut butter a week.) and actually, the wine isn’t so much the exception as it is the rule.

supplementing these groceries are leftovers, which i very much respect and thrive on. there's a certain art in preparing leftovers--the goal, in my mind, is to get them to meet or beat their previous taste. (okay, perhaps it's not an art, but certainly a challenge.) at this point, presentation is no object. so there's no fretting there, plus the food is free, and if you went to the trouble of taking the food home you know you already like it! and yet, many people don't like leftovers. i know this because they put them in the work fridge after lunch and then the same doggie bag sits there all week. neglected. like an unwanted puppy. 

i'm guessing they're just approaching their leftovers in the wrong way--mainly with a microwave. people think leftover=microwave. to that i say: amateurs!! again the goal is get them to meet or beat their previous taste. often this is done without a microwave, as it tends to just make everything mushy and inconsistently warm throughout.

i find that many leftovers are actually best eaten cold even if the meal has warmth inherent in its original meal. pizza is probably the most obvious with chinese food a close second. other foods include macaroni and cheese, along with most pastas, any cream-based soup, and stir fry.  the huge exception is cheese. anything that involved melted cheese originally should be eaten warm upon leftovers. except with pizza. (that's why it's the huge exception. duh.)

my other favorite method is the toaster oven. when not wanting cold pizza: toaster oven. when doing up casseroles that need the cheese melted: toaster oven. for anything liquid, put it back in the pot! it only takes a bit longer than the microwave and gets it much hotter in the end. 

that's not to say i shirk the microwave though! oh no. i appreciate the modern technology, and at work it's my only option for "heat". but it must be approached with foresight and care. for instance, i had a leftover veggie burger with french fries the other day. most people would've just popped that in the micro for 45 seconds and been done. amateurs.

french fries have become my white whale, with the proper way to reheat them eluding me every time. the best i've come up with is just letting them warm to room temp. yep, i take my leftovers out of the fridge around 10am, so by 12:30 the fries are room temp and pretty much the same texture as they were originally. for the sandwich, i heated that in the microwave but not before taking the lettuce, pickle, and bun OFF. if you're not disassembling your food before microwaving, you're probably not doing it right.

welcome to the blog. home of neuroses and things no one else would dare waste time thinking of, or certainly not admit to it.