why are we haunted by other people's ghost?

we all have a closet wherein several suitcases are packed with neat rows of femurs and phalanges, tibias and craniums. some of us keep the baggage on the floor, stacking winter blankets and wool sweaters over the top, hiding it from nosy mothers and unexpected guests. others are obsessed with the luggage, constantly pulling it out and repacking for a trip they will never again take. we know it's one bag (or two or three) that refuses to get lost in the maze of airline connections and airport carousels. but whether by contemplating it or ignoring it, most of us learn to deal with it.

learning to live with our own mistakes and bad memories is not easy, but because it was our own past and that experience is part of our being today, we cope. figuring out how to reconcile our past fuck-ups with the present and also accepting the inevitable fact that we'll find new ways to screw up creating future hardships is, i do believe, "growing up."

so often that phrase suggests the solitary experience of one person and the evolving that person does. rarely does it describe the process of evolving with someone else. in other words, learning to live with the skeletons, ghosts, and haunts of someone else. this process doesn't afford the luxury of rationale. unlike justifying your own past, you can't say well that was really stupid what i did, treating that person wrong. but i learned from it and am a better person as a result. instead it just reveals the other as the flawed individual you knew them to be--a fact you'd been having a fairly successful go at ignoring. and although you have flaws that at least match or even trump the other's, that knowledge doesn't quell the fear that mistakes and transgressions will be repeated. if anything the truth is only magnified--you may very likely have hurt coming in your future. maybe even the making of a brand new suitcase to add to your matching baggage set.

it's unavoidable: in order to have anything real with another person you have to share your pasts, including the uncomfortable, the painful, and the downright ugly. that means living with decisions and consequences that you played no part of and maybe don't even agree with. this sucks. a lot. then suddenly you see two colored pills and a stentorian voice in your head says something about the story ending or seeing how far the rabbit hole goes. and you think goddamn i hated that movie, and now i hate it even more now that i realize there's actual truth in it. 

eventually you catch up on the other person's past, they catch up on yours, you realize what potential the human has for being an asshole, you marvel, you worry, you suspect, you rationalize, you question. then you realize that if you can know and accept this other person's not-so-pretty past and they still look all right then you might just be on to something really worthwhile, and that's probably worth holding on to, skeletons and all.

what do you do at work?

Sent: Tuesday, May 25
From: Mr. L
To: alastore@ala.org

I ordered a 2010 summer reading golf shirt through my library in March as part of the summer reading promo. Today I learn that the company used can not fulfill my order because thay did not order enough of those shirts to begin with and refuses to obtain any more "for just the few they are short" They are the ones who screwed me out of a shirt I had already paid for. Yes, I got my money returned---but now I can not do my part to promote summer reading in the same way my female counterparts are able to do. Can you say discrimination---I can!

Dear Mr. L,

I’m sorry to hear you never received the golf shirt you ordered to promote summer reading through your library. As this is not our product, I fear there’s not much I can do to assist, except perhaps suggest that you contact Gary (sales@cstonegraphics.com) at Summer Reading Shirts to see if he can help.


Best wishes,
Katharine Fronk
ALA Graphics Coordinator
50 E. Huron St.
Chicago, IL
60622
p). 312-2802-2427

Dear Ms. Fronk,

Just for the fun of it I went to that website you included for the company printing and selling the summer reading shirts. I clicked on the order form for the golf shirts and found the shirt but DID NOT FIND ONE WORD ABOUT THEM BEING OUT OF SHIRTS IN ANY SIZE. I also saw where they had TWO deadlines for ordering shirts and one deadline is June 1 with a shipping date of June 15. I bet you that I could fill out an order form for one of those shirts right now and still get one made and sent to me---but they could not put the one I did request initially on back-order. Instead, I get a cock-and-bull story from the customer service supervisor.

So why am I telling you all this when there is nothing you can do about it? Just to let you know about the company you people turned to when coming up with this year's promo program. Maybe you should pass this complaint on to the company you folks have chosen to do business with! Maybe you should remember it next year when you start looking around for more suppliers for your programs.

Dear Mr. L,

The program to which I believe you’re referring--Collaborative Summer Library Program (CSLP)--is actually not affiliated with the American Library Association (ALA). I did some quick research to find the link to the Summer Reading Shirts thinking it might be helpful, and while it sounds like you were in contact with the correct people, you did not get the desired results.

Perhaps you will see better customer service if you contact CSLP directly at:

Collaborative Summer Library Program (CSLP)
Administrative Service Agency
22 North Georgia, Suite 208
Mason City  IA  50401-3435
Phone/Fax: (641) 423-0005
Toll Free: (866) 657-8556

Again, ALA is not affiliated in any way with this program, but I do hope you’re able to get your Summer Reading golf shirt to show your support for literacy and libraries.